I Just About Pissed Myself...

...because I was laughing so damn hard at this!

Apparently, it's not enough to try and guilt kids into not having sex, to lie to them about the evils of birth control, and to tell them masturbation leads to blindness. Now, kids aren't even supposed to give each other proper hugs. That's right, the "front hug" is now officially sinful. What used to be a simple, innocent gesture of friendship and closeness is now sexually charged and awkward. But don't worry, there's an alternative way to show how much you care, the Christian Side Hug! That's the actual name; I did not add the word Christian to this. You want proof? Here's a little video spelling out the dangers of front hugs (and kissing, but we already knew that was wrong), presented in such a way as to mesh with pop-culture attitudes, so that kids will pay attention.

Speaking of paying attention, keep an ear out for the sounds of sirens, gunshots, and threats of violence in this song. Just like in the Bible, violence is okay, but sex is evil.




I have a feeling this is just the beginning. Pretty soon it'll be the Christian Handshake (not to be confused with the Freemason Handshake, or the Cool Black Guy Handshake), then the Christian Wave From Across the Room, and ending with the Christian Separate Bedroom (for married couples only!). It's an exciting time to be a Christian!