...because I was laughing so damn hard at this!
Apparently, it's not enough to try and guilt kids into not having sex, to lie to them about the evils of birth control, and to tell them masturbation leads to blindness. Now, kids aren't even supposed to give each other proper hugs. That's right, the "front hug" is now officially sinful. What used to be a simple, innocent gesture of friendship and closeness is now sexually charged and awkward. But don't worry, there's an alternative way to show how much you care, the Christian Side Hug! That's the actual name; I did not add the word Christian to this. You want proof? Here's a little video spelling out the dangers of front hugs (and kissing, but we already knew that was wrong), presented in such a way as to mesh with pop-culture attitudes, so that kids will pay attention.
Speaking of paying attention, keep an ear out for the sounds of sirens, gunshots, and threats of violence in this song. Just like in the Bible, violence is okay, but sex is evil.
I have a feeling this is just the beginning. Pretty soon it'll be the Christian Handshake (not to be confused with the Freemason Handshake, or the Cool Black Guy Handshake), then the Christian Wave From Across the Room, and ending with the Christian Separate Bedroom (for married couples only!). It's an exciting time to be a Christian!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Okay Josh, we get it, you don't like Christianity. Seriously do you have anything else to talk about? Really, it would be nice to have a balance between topics. I try to keep my mouth shut becuase you are entitled to your opinion. Then again, so am I. The difference between us though is that I don't bash and critisize your beliefs just becuase I don't understand it or find it foolish. Yes some Christians are ridiculous and it really is the minority that buy into that extreme BS...but what about the rest that you choose not to look at? I'm not mad I just want you to think about how you're coming across. Fankly it makes you look equally as bad as the so called "Chrisitans" you keep bringing up.
ReplyDeleteWhat will people come up with next?
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I write about what I'm interested in, and people's beliefs are what I'm interested in. If this were being pushed by Muslims, I'd be just as critical. We live in a country full of christians, so the majority of the religious stupidity that I'm exposed to is christian. But they're not the only ones with crazy ideas, and they're all worthy of ridicule.
ReplyDeleteSecond, I've never known you to keep your mouth shut about your opinions, or to express any indication that you think you might be wrong; in fact, I'd go so far as to say you're the most stubborn person I know. You're in a glass house on this one.
Third, it may be a minority opinion, but that doesn't change the fact that it's completely ridiculous. Furthermore, if there weren't all those "others" that I don't look at, the extremists would have no place of refuge. They'd be on the outskirts of society, where they belong. But it's this wishy-washy, "I say I'm a Christian but I don't act like one" mentality that allows this shit to pop up. If anything, you should be embarrassed by these people.