Learning to Walk

So, normally I'm against New Year's resolutions. I've always thought that if there's something in your life you want to change, then change it. Why wait for a holiday that really has no significance to decide to start being a better person (whatever that means)? But I've recently decided to make a change in my life, and my decision just happens to coincide with New Year, so I guess I really do have a New Year's resolution this time around. I've decided that I need to learn how to walk.

Now obviously I can walk, in a literal sense; I mean it metaphorically. I've been blessed with the ability to learn things quickly, which allows me to become pretty good at most things without too much effort. I'm not claiming to be a master at everything, and there are some things that I'm just plain bad at, but for the most part I can perform at an above-average level at most tasks. Because of this, I've gotten in the habit of trying to do too much too soon. For example, not too long ago I had my first meeting with my advisory committee, the purpose of which was to explain to them what work I'm currently doing and where I'll be going in the future. One of the techniques we use is sort of specific to worms, so I knew I needed to go into a little more detail when describing it. I made this really complex powerpoint slide with tons of animation for my talk, and it looked great. I was (and am) proud of it. But I got over-confident. I was thinking "Okay, I've got this really good slide to explain the most complicated part of my talk, and all the rest of this is just stuff I do everyday, so it should be easy!" I didn't even practice my talk before I gave it; hell, I didn't even finish it until an hour or so beforehand. But because I had done so well on that one part of it, I was convinced it was going to be a home run.

It wasn't.

In fact, I kind of made an ass of myself in front of my committee. Afterward I felt pretty humiliated, not because my talk didn't go well, but because I know I'm capable of more, and I just didn't even try. And I've found myself doing it again. I've always had an interest in martial arts. I've read several books on various types of martial arts, I'm familiar with the various strategies and philosophies of many different styles. When I watch a UFC match, I try and relate what I've read to what I'm seeing, and try to figure out what I would do in different situations. But I've never actually had much hands-on experience with martial arts. I just recently joined an MMA gym to try and change this, and once again I'm trying to run before I can walk. Instead of taking my time and really getting the most out of each drill, I'm busy trying to just "be good" at everything by relying on my conceptual knowledge. But it doesn't work, and I can tell you from experience, getting punched in the face is a really good, quick reminder of that.

So that is my new goal: learning to walk. I'm going to learn to take my time and really focus on building a good foundation before I move on to more challenging and difficult tasks. Unfortunately the problem with learning is that you have to screw up a few times before you can get it right, and I really don't like making mistakes (especially when they result in pain). But what's life without a few bumps and bruises?